One of my friends sent me a clip from Facebook that was an article from August about the Louisiana legislature establishing a tax on obese government employees. It would be similar to the $25.00 fee they now charge employees that smoke at work or at home. The thought behind it seems to be that regular healthy folks should not be carring the weight financially for the care that obese folks have to have in the hospitals. Since a lot of poor folks are both obese and uninsured, they want to tax them.
This wrong on so, so many levels.
But I have a solution. One even I could vote for, in good conscience.
Don't tax the obese. Tax the things that make them obese. Put a tax on foods that have hydrogenated vegetable oil in them. Tax carbs...say a half-cent per carb? My Slim-Fast would then cost about 2 cents more. But six of those crunchy peanutbutter and cheese crackers would cost about $.50 more. Menu items with gravy and wonderfully unhealthy sauces would be more than similar foods prepared without them.
Taxing carbs would also lift awareness about the consequences of food choices. Greater educational exposure would create an environment where the possiblity of good changes is not only possible, but probable.
Tax all the food supplements that the government subsidizes...that enter our daily food chain, that line our arteries. Provide us with choices we can afford to make. And we'll be happy to make them. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Happy eating!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Updraft
After the "crash landing" experience earlier this month It was good to have some positive experiences. We were reminded by phone of our dental appointments on Tuesday. We receive two free checkup/cleanings a year from our sometimes helpful insurance coverate, so we were happy to spend the morning there. When we were just winding up we received a cellphone call from our Primary Care Physician's office saying that we could come in that day instead of waiting until November. Since we had already been postponed from September, we decided just to make a day of it and drove through the driving rain (no pun intended) to LR. Arriving early, we stopped at the bookstore my sister-in-law manages and picked up a case of Bibles we are giving away to kids at our church.
Yvonne said she would go to lunch with us so we went downtown to "Dave's Place", a former Schlotsky's sandwich site, now open at noon and some evenings (with a jazz combo playing). We had been there before, but not in several months. We ordered salads, tea, non-or low-carb foods. It is nice to be able to go out and still stay on program.
Dave, the owner and chef has, it turns out, been on a quest like mine to lose weight. He has lost 104 pounds so far. I think that's simply amazing for someone who is preparing really tasty food for other people every day! I went back to the kitchen and talked with him. He remembered me and immediately congratulated me on losing weight! We talked about how each of us is managing it, with the upshot of it being that we agreed: turkey is our best friend (no carbs, high protein, low calories). We really enjoyed being out with Yvonne!
After taking her back to the bookstore we still had some time so we went to Best Buy where I picked up a set of disks that go with my new HP computer. They had not been able to find them when I bought the thing, but they had them right away for me. I like Best Buy most of the time!
Then we went to the clinic, registered, and were weighed and taken to a room. Linda had gained some. I had basically held my own...which I count as progress, given the week away from home we spent earlier. When the doctor came in he was amazed and gave me all sorts of emotional strokes for having lost 70 pounds in four months. He also said, and this was important to us, that if I continued to do as well as I have been, I will NOT need the lap-band surgery. I WILL, however, need to make the low-carb lifestyle my way of living. Forever. He checked both of us out and said he wanted to see us in January.
Before he left he told Linda she could go on the same food plan I am following, and give us another source for the Low-Carb Slim Fast that does so well for us. She was very happy about that; it has been difficult for her to cook for one. Now we can drink together! I felt very good about the visit and all the positive strokes we both received. Good words really to lift a person up!
We drove back out to West LR to pick up new CPAP masks with the new prescriptions the Dr. gave us. He saved us (at least for now) about $8,000 that we would have had to spend on getting prescriptions from the sleep disorder doctor after a costly sleep study. We have good CPAPs, just fragile masks. I was happy to note that the new masks are more substantial in the previously weak joints. Maybe they will last longer.
After an uneventful drive back to PB, Linda settled in at the house while I went to the church to help with choir practice...catch up on some correspondance, and filing. Got home late, but not too late to watch a Russel Crowe movie with Linda...then off to sleep.
Today has been spent mostly at the church with counseling, bookkeeping, writing, studying, and, this evening, our weekly "Wacky Wednesday" with the all the children. I told Bible stories and introduced a script for a children's musical. We'll see if that seed grows.
Tomorrow is a day full of counseling, writing, printing, and preparation for Sunday's activities. This weekend is also the start of the hunting season...for muzzle-loaders. We have seen only one deer in the back in a couple of weeks. I think they know when to head for the deep woods.
Me, I think I know when to head for bed! It has been nice experiencing the uplifting events of the past couple of days. I know not to trust the updraft as a source of continual support, but it is good for soaring from time to time.
Yvonne said she would go to lunch with us so we went downtown to "Dave's Place", a former Schlotsky's sandwich site, now open at noon and some evenings (with a jazz combo playing). We had been there before, but not in several months. We ordered salads, tea, non-or low-carb foods. It is nice to be able to go out and still stay on program.
Dave, the owner and chef has, it turns out, been on a quest like mine to lose weight. He has lost 104 pounds so far. I think that's simply amazing for someone who is preparing really tasty food for other people every day! I went back to the kitchen and talked with him. He remembered me and immediately congratulated me on losing weight! We talked about how each of us is managing it, with the upshot of it being that we agreed: turkey is our best friend (no carbs, high protein, low calories). We really enjoyed being out with Yvonne!
After taking her back to the bookstore we still had some time so we went to Best Buy where I picked up a set of disks that go with my new HP computer. They had not been able to find them when I bought the thing, but they had them right away for me. I like Best Buy most of the time!
Then we went to the clinic, registered, and were weighed and taken to a room. Linda had gained some. I had basically held my own...which I count as progress, given the week away from home we spent earlier. When the doctor came in he was amazed and gave me all sorts of emotional strokes for having lost 70 pounds in four months. He also said, and this was important to us, that if I continued to do as well as I have been, I will NOT need the lap-band surgery. I WILL, however, need to make the low-carb lifestyle my way of living. Forever. He checked both of us out and said he wanted to see us in January.
Before he left he told Linda she could go on the same food plan I am following, and give us another source for the Low-Carb Slim Fast that does so well for us. She was very happy about that; it has been difficult for her to cook for one. Now we can drink together! I felt very good about the visit and all the positive strokes we both received. Good words really to lift a person up!
We drove back out to West LR to pick up new CPAP masks with the new prescriptions the Dr. gave us. He saved us (at least for now) about $8,000 that we would have had to spend on getting prescriptions from the sleep disorder doctor after a costly sleep study. We have good CPAPs, just fragile masks. I was happy to note that the new masks are more substantial in the previously weak joints. Maybe they will last longer.
After an uneventful drive back to PB, Linda settled in at the house while I went to the church to help with choir practice...catch up on some correspondance, and filing. Got home late, but not too late to watch a Russel Crowe movie with Linda...then off to sleep.
Today has been spent mostly at the church with counseling, bookkeeping, writing, studying, and, this evening, our weekly "Wacky Wednesday" with the all the children. I told Bible stories and introduced a script for a children's musical. We'll see if that seed grows.
Tomorrow is a day full of counseling, writing, printing, and preparation for Sunday's activities. This weekend is also the start of the hunting season...for muzzle-loaders. We have seen only one deer in the back in a couple of weeks. I think they know when to head for the deep woods.
Me, I think I know when to head for bed! It has been nice experiencing the uplifting events of the past couple of days. I know not to trust the updraft as a source of continual support, but it is good for soaring from time to time.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Crash Landing
The word came a week later than we had originally hoped. Linda and I were on the way to the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, Tennessee, when my cell phone rang. It was my District Superintendent, calling to tell me that my request for funding for bariatric surgery had been denied.
On one hand I understand the decision. Ours is a partially self-funded insurance group; those who are members pay all the premiums. No government bail-out. Last year we experienced a $1700 increase in our personal deductibles and a 20% increase in premiums. The committee is looking at a 19% increase in premiums this year, based on claims through the first 9 months. They also looked at the fact that no other major carriers in the state carry that coverage. (It is still looked upon as "elective" or "cosmetic" surgery. To allow me to be covered would have opened up a can or worms for them...or rather a lot of folks that would also want coverage. I was told that my presentation was by far the most compelling they had seen in recent years...but they still had to deny my request. So in a way I understand.
On the other hand, I feel like I am part of an organization that lacks the compassion it preaches. It's not a comfortable feeling, even more so since I don't have the option of leaving it for some more friendly group. If being morbidly obese becomes considered an "official" handicapping condition, attitudes will change, as will the coverages for medical relief. I remember when we had no accomodations for wheelchairs, curbcuts, restroom stall sizes, elevator requirements, doorway widths, etc. All these have come about in my lifetime. In years ahead perhaps those of us who need surgical intervention for health reasons (not cosmetic)will benefit from a more enlightenend view of the disorder.
So I tried.
Linda was very disappointed, much more than I was. And yet, I find little pockets of anger and resentment popping up here and there. The hope of the possibility of a surgical intervention was definitely something hard to give up for both of us. While we knew it was a long shot, and prepared as we were, it was still a hard landing onto the field of reality. We survived, but are still not intact.
It was good that we were not at home when we got the news because we immediately had other things to focus on, and were surrounded by a supportive community that did not rely upon the church for its validity. We actually enjoyed the trip away, did a lot of things together. Linda drove the car for much of the trip (we took her new little Ford Focus). We enjoyed the 39 miles per gallon we got most of the trip.
We heard many, many storytellers, renewed friendships, made new friends, and enjoyed the cool but very nice weather of the mountains.
Foodwise, we had taken a supply of my low-carb drinks and adjusted our stops to places we could honor that committment with eating well...and right. We did eat out three or four times, but avoided starchy and sweet foods. And while I have not been back to the scales since we returned, I feel like I held my own, and am back in my regular routine now.
Back at home the weather is cooler. I am happy to find that I have an almost new collection of long-sleeved shirts that fit me fine now. I am looking forward to being able to purchase some new clothes soon.
More later...time to go find another meal of delicious low-carb food!
On one hand I understand the decision. Ours is a partially self-funded insurance group; those who are members pay all the premiums. No government bail-out. Last year we experienced a $1700 increase in our personal deductibles and a 20% increase in premiums. The committee is looking at a 19% increase in premiums this year, based on claims through the first 9 months. They also looked at the fact that no other major carriers in the state carry that coverage. (It is still looked upon as "elective" or "cosmetic" surgery. To allow me to be covered would have opened up a can or worms for them...or rather a lot of folks that would also want coverage. I was told that my presentation was by far the most compelling they had seen in recent years...but they still had to deny my request. So in a way I understand.
On the other hand, I feel like I am part of an organization that lacks the compassion it preaches. It's not a comfortable feeling, even more so since I don't have the option of leaving it for some more friendly group. If being morbidly obese becomes considered an "official" handicapping condition, attitudes will change, as will the coverages for medical relief. I remember when we had no accomodations for wheelchairs, curbcuts, restroom stall sizes, elevator requirements, doorway widths, etc. All these have come about in my lifetime. In years ahead perhaps those of us who need surgical intervention for health reasons (not cosmetic)will benefit from a more enlightenend view of the disorder.
So I tried.
Linda was very disappointed, much more than I was. And yet, I find little pockets of anger and resentment popping up here and there. The hope of the possibility of a surgical intervention was definitely something hard to give up for both of us. While we knew it was a long shot, and prepared as we were, it was still a hard landing onto the field of reality. We survived, but are still not intact.
It was good that we were not at home when we got the news because we immediately had other things to focus on, and were surrounded by a supportive community that did not rely upon the church for its validity. We actually enjoyed the trip away, did a lot of things together. Linda drove the car for much of the trip (we took her new little Ford Focus). We enjoyed the 39 miles per gallon we got most of the trip.
We heard many, many storytellers, renewed friendships, made new friends, and enjoyed the cool but very nice weather of the mountains.
Foodwise, we had taken a supply of my low-carb drinks and adjusted our stops to places we could honor that committment with eating well...and right. We did eat out three or four times, but avoided starchy and sweet foods. And while I have not been back to the scales since we returned, I feel like I held my own, and am back in my regular routine now.
Back at home the weather is cooler. I am happy to find that I have an almost new collection of long-sleeved shirts that fit me fine now. I am looking forward to being able to purchase some new clothes soon.
More later...time to go find another meal of delicious low-carb food!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Holding Patterns
On occasion events just rush by, flitting from start to finish, item to item. And then at other times they go.so.slowly. So many parts of our lives are seemingly on "hold" that I feel like the airliner circling the airport, waiting for clearance to land.
One thing that will land soon is the insurance question. The Insurance Committee meets tomorrow in Little Rock to discuss, among other things, whether they will approve coverage for my bariatric surgery. Linda has been on edge waiting for the decision and feels very strongly that they should approve me. I know there is only a possibility they will approve it...and a better chance for denial. I figure that if it is denied I will keep on losing pounds slowly as I have been doing, and keep getting some healthy guidance to guide my journey. Linda is afraid I will die before I reach my goal.
That's another thing that is holding...or rather I feel like it is. I am still losing weight, just not as quickly. Friday I went to the clinic and weighed on the same digital scales that I started out on at 420 pounds in May. It read 354. 66 pounds lost--Yay! I may be able to reach my goal of losing 120 pounds by the end of next May. Then I will be halfway to my long-range goal of 180 pounds. Yeah, I know. That's a pretty ambitious goal....But I know how I work without a goal...I don't.
So we are in a holding pattern in so many ways. Surgery insurance decision. Weight loss (still losing, but not as fast). Clothes.
Yes, clothes. I punched new holes in my old belts. (They still work that way). As I mentioned before, I have left my biggest clothes behind now and am working my way down through those that I wore briefly on the way up. So it is not quite like having new clothes...because they aren't. They are "new again," and, to be honest, some of them were worn very little on my way upscale. But wearing them again doesn't constitute a milestone of success emotionally. That will come when I can no longer wear ANY of the clothes I have now because they are too big, and I have to get NEW clothes. That's when the plane will have landed.
The church folk, too, seems to be in a holding pattern. They have made much progress in the past year. The congregation is more united, more willing to work together. Finances are up from last year's depressive year. Attendance is up. But the idea of embracing change and making the kinds of sweeping differences in goal-setting and behaviors that seem necessary is still "up-in-the-air." Change comes so slowly to the Church. We are addicted to holding patterns.
Tomorrow I return to the lymphodema doctor who has wrapped my calves in bandages to help keep them in a normal shape. We have two weeks of this swaddling to go on...then I will be fitted for permanent compression hose for my legs...custom made. In addition, the doctor is teaching Linda how to wrap my legs, and how to do the special massage that helps the protein fluid leave the legs. Linda is an apt pupil although she says she isn't. She is a great help, friend and companion. So this project, too, is in mid-journey, another holding pattern.
We have been waiting, too, for flu vaccine to become available. Today we got the call to come in tomorrow for our shots. Perhaps the progress on that front will help other things to shake loose as well.
I'll let you know tomorrow what we learn about the Insurance. And how the other landings go.
Maybe I just need a parachute.
One thing that will land soon is the insurance question. The Insurance Committee meets tomorrow in Little Rock to discuss, among other things, whether they will approve coverage for my bariatric surgery. Linda has been on edge waiting for the decision and feels very strongly that they should approve me. I know there is only a possibility they will approve it...and a better chance for denial. I figure that if it is denied I will keep on losing pounds slowly as I have been doing, and keep getting some healthy guidance to guide my journey. Linda is afraid I will die before I reach my goal.
That's another thing that is holding...or rather I feel like it is. I am still losing weight, just not as quickly. Friday I went to the clinic and weighed on the same digital scales that I started out on at 420 pounds in May. It read 354. 66 pounds lost--Yay! I may be able to reach my goal of losing 120 pounds by the end of next May. Then I will be halfway to my long-range goal of 180 pounds. Yeah, I know. That's a pretty ambitious goal....But I know how I work without a goal...I don't.
So we are in a holding pattern in so many ways. Surgery insurance decision. Weight loss (still losing, but not as fast). Clothes.
Yes, clothes. I punched new holes in my old belts. (They still work that way). As I mentioned before, I have left my biggest clothes behind now and am working my way down through those that I wore briefly on the way up. So it is not quite like having new clothes...because they aren't. They are "new again," and, to be honest, some of them were worn very little on my way upscale. But wearing them again doesn't constitute a milestone of success emotionally. That will come when I can no longer wear ANY of the clothes I have now because they are too big, and I have to get NEW clothes. That's when the plane will have landed.
The church folk, too, seems to be in a holding pattern. They have made much progress in the past year. The congregation is more united, more willing to work together. Finances are up from last year's depressive year. Attendance is up. But the idea of embracing change and making the kinds of sweeping differences in goal-setting and behaviors that seem necessary is still "up-in-the-air." Change comes so slowly to the Church. We are addicted to holding patterns.
Tomorrow I return to the lymphodema doctor who has wrapped my calves in bandages to help keep them in a normal shape. We have two weeks of this swaddling to go on...then I will be fitted for permanent compression hose for my legs...custom made. In addition, the doctor is teaching Linda how to wrap my legs, and how to do the special massage that helps the protein fluid leave the legs. Linda is an apt pupil although she says she isn't. She is a great help, friend and companion. So this project, too, is in mid-journey, another holding pattern.
We have been waiting, too, for flu vaccine to become available. Today we got the call to come in tomorrow for our shots. Perhaps the progress on that front will help other things to shake loose as well.
I'll let you know tomorrow what we learn about the Insurance. And how the other landings go.
Maybe I just need a parachute.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
How Quickly Summer Passes
So often I think about something to write and then go on to do something else. Then, when I'm ready to write, the "mood" is not there; the Muse has left the room. So, today, when the thought of blogging came across my mind, I decided to just do it. No earth-shaking thoughts to record, I decided I had gone long enough without tending to this blog child.
It has been a while since I posted. I have kept up with my food plan, and with my weight loss. I have not weighed in two weeks, but I can tell I am still on track. The last time I weighed I had lost a total of 65 pounds. I was wearing a size 66 pants and now am loosely in a 62 and flirting with a still uncomfortable 60. I can no longer wear the clothes I was wearing in May. So that's all to the good!
During the rush to trade in clunkers for cash we went to Little Rock to check out the "Car Wars" at War Memorial Stadium. Linda's car, a 1990 Lumina, had developed transmission problems and she was afraid to drive it. So we went to see if we could get cash for it on a trade-in on something better. We went to a tent staffed by Crain Hundai and test drove an Elanta. Very nice. Bells and whistles galore. And available to us for $350 a month (way over our budget). So we looked at other cars, and then the salesman came over with the bad news...our Lumina did not qualify for the Cash for Clunkers program. It had originally been rated at 20 mpg which was the cut-off line for the program.
So we left, sorta disappointed, but happy we had not gone into debt for another $23000. Linda really wanted something used, not new. She also wanted it to get better mileage and wanted it to be red. Yep. Red. So I laughed when the salesman called the next day with a 2007 Ford Focus with 14,000 miles on it. It was red. And we ended up getting it. Even though it did not have "Drive" the Lumina had 1st, 2nd, overdrive and reverse. So I drove it to LR in OD and we traded it in.
Linda has been very happy with her new wheels, and is getting out and about on her own more than she has in a long time. This is, of course, a big help to her ego and to my spirits, too.
She also qualified for her Social Security disability status, so she will now have some monthly income of her own and can make her own car payment. All to the good.
Weight loss--I tend to overestimate how much I have lost, but I feel I am close to the 350 pound mark. I have applied to our insurance group for coverage for lap-band surgery. They will meet September 23rd to discuss my case (among others). IF they approve the coverage, then we will need to begin the process with the surgeon, find the money for the co-pay, and try to schedule around my various commitments so I am not having surgery during Christmas, NSN events, etc.
And speaking of NSN (National Storytelling Network), Linda and I are planning to attend the National Storytelling Festival the first weekend in October in Jonesborough, Tennessee. There is a 3-day NSN Board meeting following, so it will be a week away in the Smoky Mountains of Eastern Tennessee for us. We are looking forward to the trip, if not the expense of it. Linda and I both told at the Arkansas Storytelling Festival in Little Rock last month, and had fun doing it.
It is too bad that we will not have time to drive up to Boston to see our Laura, Kyle, and Abby who just passed the 9-month mark in her life. They keep us updated pretty well with photos, videos, and blogs. We are looking forward to seeing them again at Christmas!
When I started this I wasn't sure where it was going. If a trooper was following it I wouldn't have been surprised to have been pulled over for wandering all over the place. But I'm happy to have made this entry. I'll do more. It's good to have the Muse back in the building!
It has been a while since I posted. I have kept up with my food plan, and with my weight loss. I have not weighed in two weeks, but I can tell I am still on track. The last time I weighed I had lost a total of 65 pounds. I was wearing a size 66 pants and now am loosely in a 62 and flirting with a still uncomfortable 60. I can no longer wear the clothes I was wearing in May. So that's all to the good!
During the rush to trade in clunkers for cash we went to Little Rock to check out the "Car Wars" at War Memorial Stadium. Linda's car, a 1990 Lumina, had developed transmission problems and she was afraid to drive it. So we went to see if we could get cash for it on a trade-in on something better. We went to a tent staffed by Crain Hundai and test drove an Elanta. Very nice. Bells and whistles galore. And available to us for $350 a month (way over our budget). So we looked at other cars, and then the salesman came over with the bad news...our Lumina did not qualify for the Cash for Clunkers program. It had originally been rated at 20 mpg which was the cut-off line for the program.
So we left, sorta disappointed, but happy we had not gone into debt for another $23000. Linda really wanted something used, not new. She also wanted it to get better mileage and wanted it to be red. Yep. Red. So I laughed when the salesman called the next day with a 2007 Ford Focus with 14,000 miles on it. It was red. And we ended up getting it. Even though it did not have "Drive" the Lumina had 1st, 2nd, overdrive and reverse. So I drove it to LR in OD and we traded it in.
Linda has been very happy with her new wheels, and is getting out and about on her own more than she has in a long time. This is, of course, a big help to her ego and to my spirits, too.
She also qualified for her Social Security disability status, so she will now have some monthly income of her own and can make her own car payment. All to the good.
Weight loss--I tend to overestimate how much I have lost, but I feel I am close to the 350 pound mark. I have applied to our insurance group for coverage for lap-band surgery. They will meet September 23rd to discuss my case (among others). IF they approve the coverage, then we will need to begin the process with the surgeon, find the money for the co-pay, and try to schedule around my various commitments so I am not having surgery during Christmas, NSN events, etc.
And speaking of NSN (National Storytelling Network), Linda and I are planning to attend the National Storytelling Festival the first weekend in October in Jonesborough, Tennessee. There is a 3-day NSN Board meeting following, so it will be a week away in the Smoky Mountains of Eastern Tennessee for us. We are looking forward to the trip, if not the expense of it. Linda and I both told at the Arkansas Storytelling Festival in Little Rock last month, and had fun doing it.
It is too bad that we will not have time to drive up to Boston to see our Laura, Kyle, and Abby who just passed the 9-month mark in her life. They keep us updated pretty well with photos, videos, and blogs. We are looking forward to seeing them again at Christmas!
When I started this I wasn't sure where it was going. If a trooper was following it I wouldn't have been surprised to have been pulled over for wandering all over the place. But I'm happy to have made this entry. I'll do more. It's good to have the Muse back in the building!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Motivation
Those of us who are tremendously overweight often cannot see ourselves as others do. For that matter, who does? I noticed when going through some old pictures that most of our photos are of other people...because I was the one taking the pictures. And when I wasin the picture, I was usually hidden behind someone else. It wasn't something I did intentionally, but points to a whole lot of similar behaviors that overwieght folks develop. I'm becoming aware of more of those as I lose weight.
It's as though some internal gate has opened through which previously unacceptable thoughts can now pass. One evening I was sitting watchig TV but was really just thinking about my weight and decided I needed a visual image. So I asked Linda to take a picture of me lounging back in my recliner. She took it with my phone, and now I carry it with me. It sorta keeps me honest because not only do I see a really fat guy, but I remember how it felt to try to get out of that chair. I was getting to the point where it actually took a lot of effort and time to get up from that chair.
Now I carry that picture with me...in my phone. I wanted to get it out and print it so I could see it in other places...but I don't seem to be able to email it from my phone...and don't have the special-to-this-phone USB cable to get it into the computer directly. But I have it. And see it in my brain.
In September I'll have Linda take another photo. It won't look thatdifferent, but...well, we'll see!
Thanks for the notes, folks! They really help!
It's as though some internal gate has opened through which previously unacceptable thoughts can now pass. One evening I was sitting watchig TV but was really just thinking about my weight and decided I needed a visual image. So I asked Linda to take a picture of me lounging back in my recliner. She took it with my phone, and now I carry it with me. It sorta keeps me honest because not only do I see a really fat guy, but I remember how it felt to try to get out of that chair. I was getting to the point where it actually took a lot of effort and time to get up from that chair.
Now I carry that picture with me...in my phone. I wanted to get it out and print it so I could see it in other places...but I don't seem to be able to email it from my phone...and don't have the special-to-this-phone USB cable to get it into the computer directly. But I have it. And see it in my brain.
In September I'll have Linda take another photo. It won't look thatdifferent, but...well, we'll see!
Thanks for the notes, folks! They really help!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wake-up Call
Well, I was a little disappointed. We went to see Linda's diabetes specialist Monday. While she was being processed she was weighed. I saw my chance to prove how much I had lost and stepped onto the digital scales. 385. I was anticipating seeing something like 370. After all, my pants are falling off, shirts sliding around one me. People remark at how much weight I must have lost, how good I am looking. I guess I set myself up for a fall.
However. When I started really thinking about it, I HAVE lost 35 pounds. When you are morbidly obese (a term I still find difficult to use), 35 pounds doesn't seem like much. I needed a new reference point. So, while Linda was leading a group at the Women's Crisis Center Monday night, I went to Wal-Mart.
I actually did not buy anything. I'm trying to get over the shopping-therapy thing. I went to the back of the store to the dairy section and stood in front of the butter display. I placed a pound of butter (four sticks in a box) in my cart. then another. And another. And another. Until I had 35 pounds of butter in my cart. I should have taken a picture with the camera, but I have it in my mind now--what 35 pounds of fat looks like. That's not so bad, to have lost THAT much!
I resisted the temptation to start sticking boxes of butter under my belt. I was aware of the security cameras in the ceiling. So I put all the butter back where it was. As I left I felt a little lighter in my step.
I've lost 35 pounds by basically doing nothing except drinking the Low-carb Slim Fast and eating a salad and some meat each evening. I figure that now is the time to start adding in exercise like walking to help keep me in ketosis and burn up some more.
I go back to Dr. David September 1st. I'm going to try to lose another 15 pounds by then. I know, maybe I'll lose 5 instead, but I'm going for the 15. I'll blog about the journey.
By the way, thanks to those who have written with support or posted supportive comments on this blog page. You enter my thoughts MANY times EACH DAY! You are helping. THANKS!
However. When I started really thinking about it, I HAVE lost 35 pounds. When you are morbidly obese (a term I still find difficult to use), 35 pounds doesn't seem like much. I needed a new reference point. So, while Linda was leading a group at the Women's Crisis Center Monday night, I went to Wal-Mart.
I actually did not buy anything. I'm trying to get over the shopping-therapy thing. I went to the back of the store to the dairy section and stood in front of the butter display. I placed a pound of butter (four sticks in a box) in my cart. then another. And another. And another. Until I had 35 pounds of butter in my cart. I should have taken a picture with the camera, but I have it in my mind now--what 35 pounds of fat looks like. That's not so bad, to have lost THAT much!
I resisted the temptation to start sticking boxes of butter under my belt. I was aware of the security cameras in the ceiling. So I put all the butter back where it was. As I left I felt a little lighter in my step.
I've lost 35 pounds by basically doing nothing except drinking the Low-carb Slim Fast and eating a salad and some meat each evening. I figure that now is the time to start adding in exercise like walking to help keep me in ketosis and burn up some more.
I go back to Dr. David September 1st. I'm going to try to lose another 15 pounds by then. I know, maybe I'll lose 5 instead, but I'm going for the 15. I'll blog about the journey.
By the way, thanks to those who have written with support or posted supportive comments on this blog page. You enter my thoughts MANY times EACH DAY! You are helping. THANKS!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Fattoids
It takes 15 calories per day to maintain one pound of weight. So, if I eat 1500 calories per day for, say, a really long time, I would weigh 100 pounds. I would also probably be sick as a goose (an odd turn of phrase).
To maintain my weight at 420 pounds I had to keep eating 6300 calories per day more than I was using.
The unfair thing is that it really takes more than 15 calories to burn up a pound of weight. I have to expend (burn) 3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. And burning the fat isn't automatic. The body has some strange rules about where and how much fat is used up.
It's all very confusing.
Nonetheless I am content, for the moment, to leave all the math to the experts and just keep plugging away at my food plan. I really have only had two days when I was uncomfortably hungry or shaky. I've learned not to ignore those signals, and not to give in to them. I just deal with them.
Of almost 2000 lap-band surgeries one surgeon in Little Rock performed, 2 people died, which is about the national average for major surgery mortality. Hmmmm. I don't want to be so special that I qualify for that one percent!
Monday evening I went to the hospital while Linda was conducting her class at the Women's Crisis Center. I walked the halls looking for a digital scale sitting out somewhere where I could sneak up and weigh myself. No luck. So I still don't know how I am doing. I do know that my belts are not doing me much good now--I need to get new holes punched in them to get them tighter. I suspect punching holes is less expensive than buying new belts. Oh well. More later.
To maintain my weight at 420 pounds I had to keep eating 6300 calories per day more than I was using.
The unfair thing is that it really takes more than 15 calories to burn up a pound of weight. I have to expend (burn) 3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. And burning the fat isn't automatic. The body has some strange rules about where and how much fat is used up.
It's all very confusing.
Nonetheless I am content, for the moment, to leave all the math to the experts and just keep plugging away at my food plan. I really have only had two days when I was uncomfortably hungry or shaky. I've learned not to ignore those signals, and not to give in to them. I just deal with them.
Of almost 2000 lap-band surgeries one surgeon in Little Rock performed, 2 people died, which is about the national average for major surgery mortality. Hmmmm. I don't want to be so special that I qualify for that one percent!
Monday evening I went to the hospital while Linda was conducting her class at the Women's Crisis Center. I walked the halls looking for a digital scale sitting out somewhere where I could sneak up and weigh myself. No luck. So I still don't know how I am doing. I do know that my belts are not doing me much good now--I need to get new holes punched in them to get them tighter. I suspect punching holes is less expensive than buying new belts. Oh well. More later.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Downsizing
I haven't posted in a while. I have to be "in the zone" and have something to say. At least that's what I tell myself when I start to feel guilty about not posting. But after all, whose blog is it anyway? (;>)###
Over the past couple of months I have begun to come to terms with my weight. I reached my all-time high weight and began a program to loose the extra pounds. For me to blog about this is amazing to me. I usually keep all such thoughts to myself. But I found myself listening to what I preach, that it good to get all those hidden things out into the light. So here we go.
My all-time high was 420 pounds. I know. But that's what the digital scales said at Dr. David's clinic. During that same exam he told me I needed to have a form of bariatric surgery called "lap-band surgery" where the surgeon places an adjustable plastic band around the very upper part of the stomach to form a small pouch, and a small opening into the rest of the stomach. The procedure works because (1) you can't eat very much when your stomach is about the size of two chicken McNuggets; (2) the nerves that release the hormone that tells the brain that you are full are at the top of the stomach and are triggered by small amounts of food in the now very small stomach pouch. You don't want to eat more.
That sounded promising. Then we learned that the cost of such surgery is from $16,000 to $20,000 and that it is specifically excluded from our health insurance plan. We can't afford it, and can't qualify for a loan for it. All facts.
So we are currently applying to the Conference Insurance Committee to give us a waiver and cover the surgery. Statistics prove that it will save them money in the long term since weight loss helps other systems have less stress, fewer break-downs, etc. A rising tide lifts all boats. We'll see if they have the courage to extend the coverage. Ideally, they would provide coverage for all persons in our group who have a problem with morbid obesity.
During that same exam, the doctor looked at my legs which were swollen all the way through my feet. Little toes plumping out from swollen stobs. It was getting more and more difficult to walk. "Venus insufficiency" is what he called it. The gastric surgery would help relieve pressure on my veins so that fluid can return to the heart in good order instead of pooling up in my extremities.
The next week I went to a podiatrist with Linda to see about a rather ugly tonail of hers. While there I noticed the posters up in the exam room...you know, the slick, detailed cutaway drawings of parts of the body? There were even photos there--of legs and feet like mine. I had never thought of myself as a poster child for morbid obesity. So, when we were through, I made an appointment for myself with the good foot doctor. When I came back he examined me and said I needed to have bariatric surgery. (Hmmm...do I sense a concensus coming on?)
He also said he wanted to send me to the Wound Center at the local hospital complex to have my leg wrapped. So I went, and they did, and for a week I wore tight bandages on my right calf and foot. When they were removed, there was my foot...looking like a foot, with toes, ankle, everything! The measured, told me how much fluid had been removed, what size leg I should have, and told me I needed to wear compression stockings on both legs to preserve them. So I am. The podiatrist also prescribed diabetic shoes for both of us. They aren't cheap. But my custom-made shoes are the most comfortable shoes I have ever had. And with my feet now more normal in size, they are also more normal in function. I find it easier to walk, stand for longer periods of time.
All this weighed on my mind quite a bit. When people are overweight, and especially when we are morbidly obese, we tend to zone out much of the world around us. We are not only surrounded by our own pads of fat, we develop barriers to criticism, anything unpleasant. We learn to satiate any unhappiness with comfort foods. We develop habits of denial that will preserve our addiction. (Undoubtedly there is much to mine here for future sermons and self-awareness)!
I quit eating snacks. The next appointment, Dr. David's scale showed that I had lost 17 pounds! I was now 403, and I really hadn't tried very hard to lose those pounds. While the doctor was pleased with that, he was frustrated by our lack of resources to move toward the bariatric surgery. He compared the attitudes toward the morbidly obese in today's society with the discrimination practiced against racial groups. He actually went on a little rant about it. Almost as an afterthought he said, "Why don't you go to the store, buy some Low-carb Slim-Fast, and have four of them a day, with a salad at night." I asked him about meat. He told me I could have 4-8 oz of lean meat a day, but to go light on the red meat, which is marbled with fat.When he left he said, "I'll write a cloumn about you." Dr. David has a weekly column in the statewide newspaper.
A couple of weeks later, his column came out. Linda copied it and handed copies out to dozens of people. We are compiling information about the lap-band surgery to send to the Insurance Committee and hope for them to broaden their coverage allowances. In the meantime, we have our new shoes, I am wearing compression hose on both legs and feeling better. One day we were in Little Rock for a meeting. Afterward we dropped by Dr. David's clinic and weighed ourselves. My number was 389!
That was the lowest in years. I actually remember thinking about going out to eat to celebrate--a habit I'm trying to break. We associate celebrations with food--usually high-calorie foods. Gotta quit doing that!
We took a trip to Boston in June to visit Laura, Kyle, and Abby. I kept to the food plan there. Laura was super about providing the LCSF to drink and the daily salads. One night we went out for my birthday and had seafood...and I stayed on target. Another day we ate at the Cheescake Factory (ymmm) and I had a great big salad with a chicken breast. I stll lost weight.
In addition, I learned that having a grandchild makes a difference in life viewpoint. I think I had been feeling that mostly my life was over...children raised and on their own, church career heading toward retirement, everything pointing downhill. Now I find I want to be around to see how Abby does, grows. I am getting back in touch with my life, sensing new possibilities. It is very odd. But I like it.
We went to Annual Conference for four days. One of the things we used to do at Conference was to eat huge meals three times a day as we went out to restaurants.
This was different. With a fridge and microwave in our suite, we kept SF cold and heated what we needed hot. We ate salads when we went out. Basically, followed the plan, with one exception of a chineese seafood meal. I've learned that you can go out to eat--and stay ont he plan.
It has now been almost a month since I weighed. I know I have gone from a comfortable size 66 waist to a comfortable size 62 pair of slacks. People are commenting on my weight loss--being complimentary and encouraging. (This makes me realize that there must have been other kinds of thoughts about my former size that they left unsaid, or at least did not tell me).Many church folks are being supportive. So far my vital signs have all been good--good blood pressure, cholosterol levels, liver functions, etc. I am almost ready to begin an exercise/walking discipline. Since the church has an indoor walking track, I really have no excuse!
Through all this Linda has been very supportive. She's a very good advocate to have on your side! While she didn't sign on to be married to a morbidly obese person, she has had the fortitude, courage, and love to stay with me for nearly 38 years. She has seen the real me, no matter what size I am. (Sometimes, when I counsel young people who are having problems making their marriage work I want to say, "What part of 'For better or for worse, in sickness and in health' did you not understand?"). Linda has been a lifesaver for me in more ways than I can share. While she has had her own sets of problems in life (we all do), our maturing relationship has become more honest and fulfilling.
Linda makes great salads! While I can cut the stuff up and put it in a bowl, she makes it attractive in its presentation and is quite creative in the kinds of salads she produces. This keeps me from being bored to death with the same old food and from spending time yearning for the "comfort food" of the past. As I move into more weight loss and a new perception of who I am becoming, I will continue to rely on her and others for the emotional support that undergirds successful life changes.
So, this has been a long blog, catching you up on the weight-loss part of my life. I have more to say about other things. You might want to check back later for those.
Over the past couple of months I have begun to come to terms with my weight. I reached my all-time high weight and began a program to loose the extra pounds. For me to blog about this is amazing to me. I usually keep all such thoughts to myself. But I found myself listening to what I preach, that it good to get all those hidden things out into the light. So here we go.
My all-time high was 420 pounds. I know. But that's what the digital scales said at Dr. David's clinic. During that same exam he told me I needed to have a form of bariatric surgery called "lap-band surgery" where the surgeon places an adjustable plastic band around the very upper part of the stomach to form a small pouch, and a small opening into the rest of the stomach. The procedure works because (1) you can't eat very much when your stomach is about the size of two chicken McNuggets; (2) the nerves that release the hormone that tells the brain that you are full are at the top of the stomach and are triggered by small amounts of food in the now very small stomach pouch. You don't want to eat more.
That sounded promising. Then we learned that the cost of such surgery is from $16,000 to $20,000 and that it is specifically excluded from our health insurance plan. We can't afford it, and can't qualify for a loan for it. All facts.
So we are currently applying to the Conference Insurance Committee to give us a waiver and cover the surgery. Statistics prove that it will save them money in the long term since weight loss helps other systems have less stress, fewer break-downs, etc. A rising tide lifts all boats. We'll see if they have the courage to extend the coverage. Ideally, they would provide coverage for all persons in our group who have a problem with morbid obesity.
During that same exam, the doctor looked at my legs which were swollen all the way through my feet. Little toes plumping out from swollen stobs. It was getting more and more difficult to walk. "Venus insufficiency" is what he called it. The gastric surgery would help relieve pressure on my veins so that fluid can return to the heart in good order instead of pooling up in my extremities.
The next week I went to a podiatrist with Linda to see about a rather ugly tonail of hers. While there I noticed the posters up in the exam room...you know, the slick, detailed cutaway drawings of parts of the body? There were even photos there--of legs and feet like mine. I had never thought of myself as a poster child for morbid obesity. So, when we were through, I made an appointment for myself with the good foot doctor. When I came back he examined me and said I needed to have bariatric surgery. (Hmmm...do I sense a concensus coming on?)
He also said he wanted to send me to the Wound Center at the local hospital complex to have my leg wrapped. So I went, and they did, and for a week I wore tight bandages on my right calf and foot. When they were removed, there was my foot...looking like a foot, with toes, ankle, everything! The measured, told me how much fluid had been removed, what size leg I should have, and told me I needed to wear compression stockings on both legs to preserve them. So I am. The podiatrist also prescribed diabetic shoes for both of us. They aren't cheap. But my custom-made shoes are the most comfortable shoes I have ever had. And with my feet now more normal in size, they are also more normal in function. I find it easier to walk, stand for longer periods of time.
All this weighed on my mind quite a bit. When people are overweight, and especially when we are morbidly obese, we tend to zone out much of the world around us. We are not only surrounded by our own pads of fat, we develop barriers to criticism, anything unpleasant. We learn to satiate any unhappiness with comfort foods. We develop habits of denial that will preserve our addiction. (Undoubtedly there is much to mine here for future sermons and self-awareness)!
I quit eating snacks. The next appointment, Dr. David's scale showed that I had lost 17 pounds! I was now 403, and I really hadn't tried very hard to lose those pounds. While the doctor was pleased with that, he was frustrated by our lack of resources to move toward the bariatric surgery. He compared the attitudes toward the morbidly obese in today's society with the discrimination practiced against racial groups. He actually went on a little rant about it. Almost as an afterthought he said, "Why don't you go to the store, buy some Low-carb Slim-Fast, and have four of them a day, with a salad at night." I asked him about meat. He told me I could have 4-8 oz of lean meat a day, but to go light on the red meat, which is marbled with fat.When he left he said, "I'll write a cloumn about you." Dr. David has a weekly column in the statewide newspaper.
A couple of weeks later, his column came out. Linda copied it and handed copies out to dozens of people. We are compiling information about the lap-band surgery to send to the Insurance Committee and hope for them to broaden their coverage allowances. In the meantime, we have our new shoes, I am wearing compression hose on both legs and feeling better. One day we were in Little Rock for a meeting. Afterward we dropped by Dr. David's clinic and weighed ourselves. My number was 389!
That was the lowest in years. I actually remember thinking about going out to eat to celebrate--a habit I'm trying to break. We associate celebrations with food--usually high-calorie foods. Gotta quit doing that!
We took a trip to Boston in June to visit Laura, Kyle, and Abby. I kept to the food plan there. Laura was super about providing the LCSF to drink and the daily salads. One night we went out for my birthday and had seafood...and I stayed on target. Another day we ate at the Cheescake Factory (ymmm) and I had a great big salad with a chicken breast. I stll lost weight.
In addition, I learned that having a grandchild makes a difference in life viewpoint. I think I had been feeling that mostly my life was over...children raised and on their own, church career heading toward retirement, everything pointing downhill. Now I find I want to be around to see how Abby does, grows. I am getting back in touch with my life, sensing new possibilities. It is very odd. But I like it.
We went to Annual Conference for four days. One of the things we used to do at Conference was to eat huge meals three times a day as we went out to restaurants.
This was different. With a fridge and microwave in our suite, we kept SF cold and heated what we needed hot. We ate salads when we went out. Basically, followed the plan, with one exception of a chineese seafood meal. I've learned that you can go out to eat--and stay ont he plan.
It has now been almost a month since I weighed. I know I have gone from a comfortable size 66 waist to a comfortable size 62 pair of slacks. People are commenting on my weight loss--being complimentary and encouraging. (This makes me realize that there must have been other kinds of thoughts about my former size that they left unsaid, or at least did not tell me).Many church folks are being supportive. So far my vital signs have all been good--good blood pressure, cholosterol levels, liver functions, etc. I am almost ready to begin an exercise/walking discipline. Since the church has an indoor walking track, I really have no excuse!
Through all this Linda has been very supportive. She's a very good advocate to have on your side! While she didn't sign on to be married to a morbidly obese person, she has had the fortitude, courage, and love to stay with me for nearly 38 years. She has seen the real me, no matter what size I am. (Sometimes, when I counsel young people who are having problems making their marriage work I want to say, "What part of 'For better or for worse, in sickness and in health' did you not understand?"). Linda has been a lifesaver for me in more ways than I can share. While she has had her own sets of problems in life (we all do), our maturing relationship has become more honest and fulfilling.
Linda makes great salads! While I can cut the stuff up and put it in a bowl, she makes it attractive in its presentation and is quite creative in the kinds of salads she produces. This keeps me from being bored to death with the same old food and from spending time yearning for the "comfort food" of the past. As I move into more weight loss and a new perception of who I am becoming, I will continue to rely on her and others for the emotional support that undergirds successful life changes.
So, this has been a long blog, catching you up on the weight-loss part of my life. I have more to say about other things. You might want to check back later for those.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Bits and Pieces
I've been thinking about so many things. Too many things, actually. So I thought I'd clear the deck by addressing a few of these random thoughts here, getting them out of my mind and into yours.
On our recent trip to Eastern Tennessee we utilized the GPS feature in my new phone. I'd never used one of those before, and only seen one in use in a friend's very upscale SUV. I learned how to memorize a location, and to program a trip and destination in. On the way back we entered our home address and it called out every turn right on schedule. It even has a 3-D map display that moves as we move across the terrain. It shows side streets, names every overpass and exit, and can be programed to call out exits for gas at a selected price, special attractions, churches, food, motels, etc. Linda liked the display but didn't understand the workings of it. It also came with a female voice that after 1300 miles was a little wearing on the ears.
I was amused when we left the freeway for a food break and the GPS gal got concerned. But she guided us back to the interstate very effectively.
Thinking about flying to Boston in June, I wonder what she would do if we programmed the trip in for the road, then hopped in the plane. What would she do? Of course we can't do that. If I remember correctly, they ask you to turn off all cell phones upon boarding. But it was fun to think about.
Another item our trip brought out: we really don't pack well. (After all, we have the WHOLE van. Why should we pack conservatively)? When we go to Boston for 6 days, we will have to pack in one bag, carrying our CPAPs with us on board. And if Linda has her purse and I have a computer, well that's luggage limit for us! I guess we'll practice beforehand.
Michael sent word the other night that he was "OK" but did not elaborate. Laura posts every day or so and we keep up with her that way. Jennifer got a new job (with benefits) after so long without one, and seems to be very happy with the way it has started. Linda calls or emails each of our children daily. So I wonder why I feel so out of touch?
Been thinking about death a lot lately. Not in the mauldin, spooky, way. More in the philosophical, "What happens at the end of life as we know it?" sort of approach. Prodding my thinking in this area has been the blogging of my friend Becca Miles, whose mother passed away earlier this year. She has been blogging daily about it and the ways her family members have been dealing with that death. I don't think that I've come up with any new theories, but have been thinking about the subject more than usual. I realize we need to prepare for our own deaths, planning funeral details, last things, wills, etc. A number of those things are not yet decided and ought to be.
Things are changing for the better at the church. People are working together and trying to get along. The youth are planning a summer trip. A big fundraiser has taken on the life of its own. We are getting our communications back in order and are planning a new pictorial directory. We have had some membership growth. Now if we could just catch up financially!!!
We go to four doctors next Tuesday...the podiatrist at 8:30, the psychiatrist in LR at 11:15, our PCP at noon, and we go to the hospital for a second mamogram at 2:30 or so. I have hopes that everthing will be alright. We'll see.
I have enjoyed being around Linda a lot lately. We seem to have found a way of being together that is comfortable in a way that is both new and familiar. That's a good thought to leave on. I'm going to get to bed a little earlier tonight...see what Saturday holds when I wake up!
On our recent trip to Eastern Tennessee we utilized the GPS feature in my new phone. I'd never used one of those before, and only seen one in use in a friend's very upscale SUV. I learned how to memorize a location, and to program a trip and destination in. On the way back we entered our home address and it called out every turn right on schedule. It even has a 3-D map display that moves as we move across the terrain. It shows side streets, names every overpass and exit, and can be programed to call out exits for gas at a selected price, special attractions, churches, food, motels, etc. Linda liked the display but didn't understand the workings of it. It also came with a female voice that after 1300 miles was a little wearing on the ears.
I was amused when we left the freeway for a food break and the GPS gal got concerned. But she guided us back to the interstate very effectively.
Thinking about flying to Boston in June, I wonder what she would do if we programmed the trip in for the road, then hopped in the plane. What would she do? Of course we can't do that. If I remember correctly, they ask you to turn off all cell phones upon boarding. But it was fun to think about.
Another item our trip brought out: we really don't pack well. (After all, we have the WHOLE van. Why should we pack conservatively)? When we go to Boston for 6 days, we will have to pack in one bag, carrying our CPAPs with us on board. And if Linda has her purse and I have a computer, well that's luggage limit for us! I guess we'll practice beforehand.
Michael sent word the other night that he was "OK" but did not elaborate. Laura posts every day or so and we keep up with her that way. Jennifer got a new job (with benefits) after so long without one, and seems to be very happy with the way it has started. Linda calls or emails each of our children daily. So I wonder why I feel so out of touch?
Been thinking about death a lot lately. Not in the mauldin, spooky, way. More in the philosophical, "What happens at the end of life as we know it?" sort of approach. Prodding my thinking in this area has been the blogging of my friend Becca Miles, whose mother passed away earlier this year. She has been blogging daily about it and the ways her family members have been dealing with that death. I don't think that I've come up with any new theories, but have been thinking about the subject more than usual. I realize we need to prepare for our own deaths, planning funeral details, last things, wills, etc. A number of those things are not yet decided and ought to be.
Things are changing for the better at the church. People are working together and trying to get along. The youth are planning a summer trip. A big fundraiser has taken on the life of its own. We are getting our communications back in order and are planning a new pictorial directory. We have had some membership growth. Now if we could just catch up financially!!!
We go to four doctors next Tuesday...the podiatrist at 8:30, the psychiatrist in LR at 11:15, our PCP at noon, and we go to the hospital for a second mamogram at 2:30 or so. I have hopes that everthing will be alright. We'll see.
I have enjoyed being around Linda a lot lately. We seem to have found a way of being together that is comfortable in a way that is both new and familiar. That's a good thought to leave on. I'm going to get to bed a little earlier tonight...see what Saturday holds when I wake up!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Rose Hopes
One day Linda brought home two rose bushes, still in their plastic wrapped rootball with directions for planting them. For several days we could not plant them--it was raining. After that quit for a bit we decided to place them inside the fence in the back yard where we can see them from the windows along the back of the house.
Getting a spade from the barn, I helped decide about the where and dug in. The earth smelled good. It was dark, not too much clay. We mixed up the removed dirt with a bag of potting soil, and, after soaking the roses in water for an hour, planted them along the fence. Last Saturday Linda brought home another plant, which we planted Sunday afternoon. So now we have three rose bushes, white, pink, red, beginning to sprout leaves.
Linda also placed some sunflower seedlings out and some marigolds, and other flowers in a couple of other flower beds.
For us, planting is something we do when we are fairly certain we are not moving this year. So they give us enjoyment on more than one level. They are a sort of hope for our lives to bloom here where we have been planted. We'll see, how they (and we) do.
Getting a spade from the barn, I helped decide about the where and dug in. The earth smelled good. It was dark, not too much clay. We mixed up the removed dirt with a bag of potting soil, and, after soaking the roses in water for an hour, planted them along the fence. Last Saturday Linda brought home another plant, which we planted Sunday afternoon. So now we have three rose bushes, white, pink, red, beginning to sprout leaves.
Linda also placed some sunflower seedlings out and some marigolds, and other flowers in a couple of other flower beds.
For us, planting is something we do when we are fairly certain we are not moving this year. So they give us enjoyment on more than one level. They are a sort of hope for our lives to bloom here where we have been planted. We'll see, how they (and we) do.
Bloggage
I started out this blog intending to post every day as a matter of personal discipline. My inability to do so is a result of too many things competing for my attention...a blockage of sorts I have termed, "Bloggage." So today is sort of a rotor-rooter blog, trying to gather some of those loose things, identify them, and get them out of the way.
SLEEP
I have found myself getting my days and my nights mixed up. I am often up until 3 or 4 a.m. I would sleep until noon if I could. Part of that is I have become fond of an afternoon nap. I remember my grandfather Jones getting up at 3 or 4 a.m. to milk the cows and feed the stock. He even cooked breakfast before going to his country grocery to work until noon when my grandmother would "relieve" him so he could go home and eat a good lunch she had prepared. Then he took a nap for an hour or hour-and-a-half and returned to the store, closing at 6 p.m. In the evening he had more chores with the stock, and cows, a light supper, some TV and a bowl of cereal before going to bed.
I like my naps. A couple of hours sleep and I'm good for a whole evening. I recharge quickly. But I run down quickly, too. I think its one of the signs of growing older. Anyway, when I am in those run-down modes, I don't want to blog well, and when I am working well, I don't have time.
DOCTORS
Another sign of advancing age is the number of medical professionals you need to consult. We now have caring for us an internist, 2 dietitians, two Primary Care Physiscians, an opthomologist, a mamogram technician, a podiatrist, a dermatologist, a cardiologist, a psychiatrist, a physician's assistant, a dentist, and a proctologist. More to think about, clutter up the mind with schedules, appointments, pills, meds, and injections.
FINANCES
What a big bloggage finances can be! With all the above medical expertise, we have quite a large medical bill for services and medicines each month. Add to that the utilities, repairs, cable and phone bills, clothes, and groceries. Sometime I'll blog about that...and about how people manage to survive in this environment.
YARD
We like living where we live. It is in the country, but not too far from civilization. We have neighbors who are there when we need them, but don't make a bother of themselves. But we have 3 acres of yard to care for...and we can't do it well. So right now we have collected all of last fall's leaves, discarded twigs and limbs from storms, and new grass starting to grow taller now that the weather has turned warmer, rainy, and pollen-laden. When I am working on that or worrying about not working on that I find my blogging inclination sagging.
Oh well...this isn't a very good pity party. But I DO feel better having placed some of these things on print. Gets them out of my head, so maybe, just maybe, I can find energy and clarity to blog more often. And don't worry, the list could go on and on. But I'll save that for another blog. Okay? See you then.
SLEEP
I have found myself getting my days and my nights mixed up. I am often up until 3 or 4 a.m. I would sleep until noon if I could. Part of that is I have become fond of an afternoon nap. I remember my grandfather Jones getting up at 3 or 4 a.m. to milk the cows and feed the stock. He even cooked breakfast before going to his country grocery to work until noon when my grandmother would "relieve" him so he could go home and eat a good lunch she had prepared. Then he took a nap for an hour or hour-and-a-half and returned to the store, closing at 6 p.m. In the evening he had more chores with the stock, and cows, a light supper, some TV and a bowl of cereal before going to bed.
I like my naps. A couple of hours sleep and I'm good for a whole evening. I recharge quickly. But I run down quickly, too. I think its one of the signs of growing older. Anyway, when I am in those run-down modes, I don't want to blog well, and when I am working well, I don't have time.
DOCTORS
Another sign of advancing age is the number of medical professionals you need to consult. We now have caring for us an internist, 2 dietitians, two Primary Care Physiscians, an opthomologist, a mamogram technician, a podiatrist, a dermatologist, a cardiologist, a psychiatrist, a physician's assistant, a dentist, and a proctologist. More to think about, clutter up the mind with schedules, appointments, pills, meds, and injections.
FINANCES
What a big bloggage finances can be! With all the above medical expertise, we have quite a large medical bill for services and medicines each month. Add to that the utilities, repairs, cable and phone bills, clothes, and groceries. Sometime I'll blog about that...and about how people manage to survive in this environment.
YARD
We like living where we live. It is in the country, but not too far from civilization. We have neighbors who are there when we need them, but don't make a bother of themselves. But we have 3 acres of yard to care for...and we can't do it well. So right now we have collected all of last fall's leaves, discarded twigs and limbs from storms, and new grass starting to grow taller now that the weather has turned warmer, rainy, and pollen-laden. When I am working on that or worrying about not working on that I find my blogging inclination sagging.
Oh well...this isn't a very good pity party. But I DO feel better having placed some of these things on print. Gets them out of my head, so maybe, just maybe, I can find energy and clarity to blog more often. And don't worry, the list could go on and on. But I'll save that for another blog. Okay? See you then.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter, 2009
We've finished the Lenten-Holy Week-Easter marathon and entered the post-Easter formless void. I've noticed that I have a tendency to focus on the next "big" event on the calendar as a way of giving shape and substance to my world. So when the big event has been experienced, there is the feeling that's akin to that sense of coasting when the airplane in which one is riding reaches its cruising speed and altitude and the pilot cuts back on the thrusters. Sort of a "flung-out-there-to-coast" feeling.
That's what if feels like this morning, the Day After Easter.The thrusters were pushing right up to the end of the day. Linda and I spent some time at the church Saturday night setting up for Sunday morning. The contemporary service does not usually have an altar present (which has bothered me). So we went to Wal-Mart and purchased some 20 yards of whitish cloth and a bunch of Easter Lillies and we made an altar for Easter in the gym using a rectangular table. We "boxed" it by draping it with white, with a separate slightly different white for the cover cloth. Linda arranged the lillies in front and on top of the altar. I found some Kerry oil candles left over from some move or auction or other...complete with their brass bases. With the addition of the fuel and a little creative wick repair, I got them to work. They looked nice (and appropriate) on the new altar.
I rearranged the banners we have hanging from the second floor walking track, and draped more white fabric over the arms of the large wooden cross that stands to the side of our worship area. I also removed the crown of thorns from the cross. Linda placed lillies at the welcome center and took one for the altar she has created in her elementary grade Sunday School Class.
After printing the bulletin for the traditional service we went home about 9:30.I went to the computer to review my sermon and the PowerPoint program for the Contemporary service. There is a time in every preacher's week when s/he knows that the sermon is "ready." I still did not have that feeling...which is sort of strange, since I've been doing this for a while. Anyway, I've learned to trust that sense. I began to work on it, changing, tweaking, adding, cutting, etc. Some of you know that process. So after I got THAT as ready as it could be, I had to change the PPT program's bullets to match the new materials. I like this process. Its flaw is that it can't be completed earlier than the sermon!
I finally got to bed about 4 a.m. and then "rose again" at 6:45 to get ready for the first service.Linda came in and announced "We have an Easter suprise!" Laura and Kyle had posted new photos of Abby! (We are always excited and pleased with these!) I went to the computer to see and spent too much time there saving and pasting and printing the pictures up for Linda to take to church for "show and tell." This is becoming a favorite sport for us.
We finally got to church just after 8:00 for the 8:30 service. I set up the computer and projector, booted up the PPT announcement loop, started the pre-worship CD music, had some strong guys move the grand piano out for us, and started greeting people. This was my first Easter with this church and I did not know what to expect at this service. We ended up with 52 present at 8:30...which included five or six visitors. Lori got there to play the piano, Amy got the PPT remote, the mikes were tested, and we started church. We sang with the piano this Sunday; usually we sing to CD's of various praise and worship artists or instrumentals. We sang the traditional "Up From The Grave He Arose" song and chorus.
When we got to children's time I looked back to the woman whose job that is and saw her giving me the "I've got nothing" panicked look. Quick adjust. I did children's time.We have a time after that for placing tithes and gifts in the "Lord's Box" (instead of passing the offering plate). Then we greet each other, refresh our selves with juice, coffee, cookies, and come back together for prayer and the rest of the service.
Our person who runs the CD changer was not there and with Lori over on the grand piano, no back-up, so I did that, too. Then after another chorus, the sermon. Sermons take on a life of their own sometimes. When they are "ripe and ready" they flow and everything works. This one worked, pretty well. At the end, we have a quiet meditation/decision time, then we all form a circle around the worship area and give each other a benediction. It was good to see people there, holding hands, singing, "Alleluia!" as the service came to a close. And afterward, people hung around and visited. For a long time. I mark that as a good sign of congregational health. (In unhappy congregations, if they show up at all, people leave as soon as services are over).
One of our youth was hanging around while I was putting up the computer, projector, etc. I asked him if he wanted to help and he responded by being a big help in putting things up. (Since our Center is used so much for other activities during the week, we set up and strike our worship "set" every week). We moved the flowers from the gym to the Sanctuary which had a very different set up and already looked very nice, with a some ferns and a litttle couchant lamb in front of the altar and large sprays of multicolored/types of flowers on each side of the chancel. We placed the lillies on the altar and on the rails to the sides of the lecturn and pulpit. The choir director's husband had draped the large wall cross with a strip of white cloth. And added a crown of thorns to it.
After a couple of conversations with people in my study, I robed in white for the traditional service, met the choir in the choir room, prayed with them, and processed into the fairly filled little sanctuary. There were about 70 there. The liturgist led the first half of the service, two girls lit the candles (they are new, and untrained, but eager to be involved, and do this well). I did children's time in this service, as well, surrounded by little girls with flashing lights in their shoes, bunnies in their hands, and so forth. One mother brought her one-year old down to the chancel steps as well.
This congregation has the tradition of the choir presenting an Easter cantata on Easter. Most of my previous congregations have left Easter Sunday for the pastor to expound on the resurrection story, and do their cantata a week earlier on Palm Sunday. While I liked preaching on Easter, I never liked celebrating the resurrection with a cantata a week before Jesus had died. I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but it was a sort of theological cart-before-the-horse thing. Anyway, the choir had worked hard on a Cantata. Our choir does not, for the most part, read music. So it takes them a long time to learn an anthem, let alone a full cantata with eight pieces of music in it. I chose to sing with them (1) because I like to sing; (2) I thought I could help the bass section.
So we presented a true Easter cantata on Easter as a major portion of the service. It went well. We sing to a CD so we have a full orchestra playing for us. Our choir director helps us start on time, make our entrances, and tells us when to cut off at the end. I was miked so I could read the narration between the musical pieces. When it was over, the congregation sang the "He arose!" chorus and we were done. I greeted everyone and went the study and sat down, thankful it had gone well.
After awhle Linda and I went home where she finished preparing food for us to take to Mom's for the family Easter Dinner. I believe this was the first Easter dinner in a long, long time we spent away from our house. We arrived there around 3:00, and had a good meal around the enlarged oak dining table in the dining room. Our ranks are a bit thinner. Brother Don and our Dad are not with us any more. Brother Robert was singing a Mozart requiem in Shreveport, so he and Mary were not there. Michael's friend from QQUMC was there, though. We left two empty chairs, one for Moses and one for Elijah?) sang our family grace, and ate just the right amount of spiral honey ham, potato salad, green salad, corn, asparagus, and two kinds of homemade bread. YUM!
We enjoyed the time together visiting, playing, punning (a big sport in the Armstrong clan), and sharing our various Easter church experiences. We had phone calls from Laura in Boston and Jennifer in Fort Smith which we put on speaker phone so we could all interact. Jim showed up from Camden after a while, and we all gradually went our separate ways.
Linda and I got home around 9:30 or so. I was tired, but caffiened up, so I sat down to watch some news and get some thumb exercise with the remote control. After a while, about to doze off, I came across TCM's presentation of an old Cecil B. DeMille black and white silent film about the crucifixion and resurrection. I had never seen it, so I watched it. It was an interesting hollywood blending of the various scriptural texts, leaving some out, inventing others, etc. When Jesus rose again I hit the sack and slept very well.
So now is Monday, the Day After. The Pilot has cut the thursters back for a while and I don't feel real motivated to do much of anything today (except blog, I suppose). But I know there are new events and opportunities waiting just ahead, a UMW meeting at 6:00 and Linda has a group to lead at the Women's Shelter at 7:00 tonight. Later on, I'l go get my calendar and get to work on the rest of my week. More later. We are coming in for a landing soon, and new possibilities await.
That's what if feels like this morning, the Day After Easter.The thrusters were pushing right up to the end of the day. Linda and I spent some time at the church Saturday night setting up for Sunday morning. The contemporary service does not usually have an altar present (which has bothered me). So we went to Wal-Mart and purchased some 20 yards of whitish cloth and a bunch of Easter Lillies and we made an altar for Easter in the gym using a rectangular table. We "boxed" it by draping it with white, with a separate slightly different white for the cover cloth. Linda arranged the lillies in front and on top of the altar. I found some Kerry oil candles left over from some move or auction or other...complete with their brass bases. With the addition of the fuel and a little creative wick repair, I got them to work. They looked nice (and appropriate) on the new altar.
I rearranged the banners we have hanging from the second floor walking track, and draped more white fabric over the arms of the large wooden cross that stands to the side of our worship area. I also removed the crown of thorns from the cross. Linda placed lillies at the welcome center and took one for the altar she has created in her elementary grade Sunday School Class.
After printing the bulletin for the traditional service we went home about 9:30.I went to the computer to review my sermon and the PowerPoint program for the Contemporary service. There is a time in every preacher's week when s/he knows that the sermon is "ready." I still did not have that feeling...which is sort of strange, since I've been doing this for a while. Anyway, I've learned to trust that sense. I began to work on it, changing, tweaking, adding, cutting, etc. Some of you know that process. So after I got THAT as ready as it could be, I had to change the PPT program's bullets to match the new materials. I like this process. Its flaw is that it can't be completed earlier than the sermon!
I finally got to bed about 4 a.m. and then "rose again" at 6:45 to get ready for the first service.Linda came in and announced "We have an Easter suprise!" Laura and Kyle had posted new photos of Abby! (We are always excited and pleased with these!) I went to the computer to see and spent too much time there saving and pasting and printing the pictures up for Linda to take to church for "show and tell." This is becoming a favorite sport for us.
We finally got to church just after 8:00 for the 8:30 service. I set up the computer and projector, booted up the PPT announcement loop, started the pre-worship CD music, had some strong guys move the grand piano out for us, and started greeting people. This was my first Easter with this church and I did not know what to expect at this service. We ended up with 52 present at 8:30...which included five or six visitors. Lori got there to play the piano, Amy got the PPT remote, the mikes were tested, and we started church. We sang with the piano this Sunday; usually we sing to CD's of various praise and worship artists or instrumentals. We sang the traditional "Up From The Grave He Arose" song and chorus.
When we got to children's time I looked back to the woman whose job that is and saw her giving me the "I've got nothing" panicked look. Quick adjust. I did children's time.We have a time after that for placing tithes and gifts in the "Lord's Box" (instead of passing the offering plate). Then we greet each other, refresh our selves with juice, coffee, cookies, and come back together for prayer and the rest of the service.
Our person who runs the CD changer was not there and with Lori over on the grand piano, no back-up, so I did that, too. Then after another chorus, the sermon. Sermons take on a life of their own sometimes. When they are "ripe and ready" they flow and everything works. This one worked, pretty well. At the end, we have a quiet meditation/decision time, then we all form a circle around the worship area and give each other a benediction. It was good to see people there, holding hands, singing, "Alleluia!" as the service came to a close. And afterward, people hung around and visited. For a long time. I mark that as a good sign of congregational health. (In unhappy congregations, if they show up at all, people leave as soon as services are over).
One of our youth was hanging around while I was putting up the computer, projector, etc. I asked him if he wanted to help and he responded by being a big help in putting things up. (Since our Center is used so much for other activities during the week, we set up and strike our worship "set" every week). We moved the flowers from the gym to the Sanctuary which had a very different set up and already looked very nice, with a some ferns and a litttle couchant lamb in front of the altar and large sprays of multicolored/types of flowers on each side of the chancel. We placed the lillies on the altar and on the rails to the sides of the lecturn and pulpit. The choir director's husband had draped the large wall cross with a strip of white cloth. And added a crown of thorns to it.
After a couple of conversations with people in my study, I robed in white for the traditional service, met the choir in the choir room, prayed with them, and processed into the fairly filled little sanctuary. There were about 70 there. The liturgist led the first half of the service, two girls lit the candles (they are new, and untrained, but eager to be involved, and do this well). I did children's time in this service, as well, surrounded by little girls with flashing lights in their shoes, bunnies in their hands, and so forth. One mother brought her one-year old down to the chancel steps as well.
This congregation has the tradition of the choir presenting an Easter cantata on Easter. Most of my previous congregations have left Easter Sunday for the pastor to expound on the resurrection story, and do their cantata a week earlier on Palm Sunday. While I liked preaching on Easter, I never liked celebrating the resurrection with a cantata a week before Jesus had died. I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but it was a sort of theological cart-before-the-horse thing. Anyway, the choir had worked hard on a Cantata. Our choir does not, for the most part, read music. So it takes them a long time to learn an anthem, let alone a full cantata with eight pieces of music in it. I chose to sing with them (1) because I like to sing; (2) I thought I could help the bass section.
So we presented a true Easter cantata on Easter as a major portion of the service. It went well. We sing to a CD so we have a full orchestra playing for us. Our choir director helps us start on time, make our entrances, and tells us when to cut off at the end. I was miked so I could read the narration between the musical pieces. When it was over, the congregation sang the "He arose!" chorus and we were done. I greeted everyone and went the study and sat down, thankful it had gone well.
After awhle Linda and I went home where she finished preparing food for us to take to Mom's for the family Easter Dinner. I believe this was the first Easter dinner in a long, long time we spent away from our house. We arrived there around 3:00, and had a good meal around the enlarged oak dining table in the dining room. Our ranks are a bit thinner. Brother Don and our Dad are not with us any more. Brother Robert was singing a Mozart requiem in Shreveport, so he and Mary were not there. Michael's friend from QQUMC was there, though. We left two empty chairs, one for Moses and one for Elijah?) sang our family grace, and ate just the right amount of spiral honey ham, potato salad, green salad, corn, asparagus, and two kinds of homemade bread. YUM!
We enjoyed the time together visiting, playing, punning (a big sport in the Armstrong clan), and sharing our various Easter church experiences. We had phone calls from Laura in Boston and Jennifer in Fort Smith which we put on speaker phone so we could all interact. Jim showed up from Camden after a while, and we all gradually went our separate ways.
Linda and I got home around 9:30 or so. I was tired, but caffiened up, so I sat down to watch some news and get some thumb exercise with the remote control. After a while, about to doze off, I came across TCM's presentation of an old Cecil B. DeMille black and white silent film about the crucifixion and resurrection. I had never seen it, so I watched it. It was an interesting hollywood blending of the various scriptural texts, leaving some out, inventing others, etc. When Jesus rose again I hit the sack and slept very well.
So now is Monday, the Day After. The Pilot has cut the thursters back for a while and I don't feel real motivated to do much of anything today (except blog, I suppose). But I know there are new events and opportunities waiting just ahead, a UMW meeting at 6:00 and Linda has a group to lead at the Women's Shelter at 7:00 tonight. Later on, I'l go get my calendar and get to work on the rest of my week. More later. We are coming in for a landing soon, and new possibilities await.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Holy Week Musings
Holy Week has always been a time full of activity for us. Even as a kid, our family was always at the church whenever anything was happening there. At an early age I learned that there was a service of Holy Communion on Thursday night, that Friday was the day Jesus died, and we got out of school for that, Saturday was usually the giant Easter Egg hunt at the city park, and Easter itself--well, Easter was another event entirely!
Looking forward to Easter held almost the same mystery that looking forward to Christmas had. As children we learned it was the celebration of Jesus rising from the Grave. We also learned, but never fully understood, that there was a mystical connection between Jesus and the Easter Bunny. Somehow the unleavened bread and grapejuice of Thursday night's service was changed into the wonder of chocolate candy and marshmellow bunnies. The cross was replaced by the Easter basket. The hidden Jesus was replaced by hidden eggs. I know. Childish connections, but they were all the understanding I had for years.
I've been thinking about these connections, past and present, and reflecting upon how little has changed over the years. 5th graders in Sunday School did not know who Judas was. The church hosted its giant Easter Egg hunt on Wednesday before Holy Thursday...because that was the day they usually meet and all the kids were there (as well as about 30 others who showed up for the eggs). The youth "hid" 1400 candy and note-stuffed plastic eggs around our Community Center building. We had way over 100 children there for the harvest. I think it took them about 25 minutes to recover all the eggs. As far as cultivating expressions of pure greed go, you can't beat a good Easter egg hunt. As kids get older the potential for violence and egg-stealing grows too. I intervened in several little arguments, solving most by offering to take both parties' eggs off their hands and give them to kids who were behaving. (sigh). The kids were, by and large, good kids, and happy with their Easter Egg Hunt experience. I noticed that while most kids came in their school clothes, several girls were decked out in Easter dresses, little heels, jewelery, etc. Mama was usually close by with a camera. Perhaps next year we will stage Easter Egg Hunt pictures and sell the photos as a fund-raiser.
Thursday was Holy Thursday. In recent years my church reported they had staged a "Living Last Supper" in the Community Center with all the "Disciples" costumed in character, with lines to be delivered. The setting was based on the DaVinci painting of the Last Supper. But with several of the "key" persons no longer with us, there weren't enough available to fill out the cast.
So I suggested that rather than do it poorly, we opt out of the presentation this year. Later I learned that attendance had been dwindling for that presentation the last couple of years.
So we used the Tennebrae service straight out of the Book of Worship. Some hymns and scripture, some times of silence and prayer. No sermon. A small group of the faithful gathered.
I selected the oldest ritual (IV) and used that. It felt good; I had not used that service in ten or twelve years. It is the ritual I grew up on, but more archaic in its language. I enjoyed saying the words and as I said each phrase layers and layers of memories leafed back in my mind. It's hard to describe, but it was, at least for me, a refreshing exercise.
I also used the small individual cups instead of the loaf and chalice of recent times. People came to the rail and knelt or stood to receive the Sacrament. The whole service was simple, but fulfilling.
Today was Good Friday. We stayed in today, working on Easter projects, cleaning house, etc. This evening we drove into Little Rock so Linda could attend Good Friday at her church, Quapaw Quarter United Methodist Church. My sister, Anne, is the Worship Pastor there. They have an excellent organist who played the great (electronic) pipe organ as well as the grand piano and led the choir of 15 or so. In the large 900-seat sanctuary, there were 50 or 60 folks attending, a mixture of young, old, and middlers, black, white, straight, gay, a very mixed group.
They used the same liturgy I had used on Holy Thursday for my church, but with grander music, more readers, and an acolyte who extingushed an altar candle after each of the 16 readings from the Scripture. Our son, Michael and my mom sang in the choir. I had the opportunity to think about all the special services I had experienced in that sanctuary after we had moved from Missouri to Little Rock. More than a decade of going through the liturgical cycle and rhythms, seasons, colors, and celebrations. More than a few pastors and staff persons moving through the leadership teams. More than a few worship services serving as usher, choir member, worship participant. Worship spaces have such a profound effect on the ways we see and model our faith.
After the service Anne said her son had gone off with her car keys, so we took her home, then went out to a tiny Greek restaurant and had Gyros and Shishkebab sandwiches for a late supper. Then the hour drive home.
Tomorrow is Holy Saturday, when the disciples kept out of sight, honoring the Sabbath, no doubt confused and afraid of what lay ahead. We will spend it getting ready for Easter, stopping by the bank, shopping for Easter dinner ingredients, flowers, setting up both church worship spaces for the Easter Celebrations on Sunday morning. There are white drapes to hang on the arms of the crosses. Candles to fuel. Lillies to buy and place, ferns to place, bulletins to print, and powerpoint presentations to finish. The local Volunteer Fire Department will hold an Easter Egg Hunt for the children of its members on a portio of our church property. The choir will hold its final rehearsal for the Easter Cantata (to be sung at the 10:45 "Traditional Service" in the Sanctuary).
On Easter Sunday we are NOT having a sunrise service. It IS going to rain on Easter here (70% chance). We are NOT spending gazillions on Easter Candy and plastic grass.
We will have a good crowd, some coming home to match those who are going away for the special day. We will sing the old hymns in both service. I will preach in the first, sing and narrate in the second. And we will proclaim Christ Risen once again. Then we will drive to Mom's in Little Rock to have a late Easter Dinner with the others in the family (and friends).
Sometimes I think all the activity and ritual serves more to obscure the basic message of Easter.
What about you?
Looking forward to Easter held almost the same mystery that looking forward to Christmas had. As children we learned it was the celebration of Jesus rising from the Grave. We also learned, but never fully understood, that there was a mystical connection between Jesus and the Easter Bunny. Somehow the unleavened bread and grapejuice of Thursday night's service was changed into the wonder of chocolate candy and marshmellow bunnies. The cross was replaced by the Easter basket. The hidden Jesus was replaced by hidden eggs. I know. Childish connections, but they were all the understanding I had for years.
I've been thinking about these connections, past and present, and reflecting upon how little has changed over the years. 5th graders in Sunday School did not know who Judas was. The church hosted its giant Easter Egg hunt on Wednesday before Holy Thursday...because that was the day they usually meet and all the kids were there (as well as about 30 others who showed up for the eggs). The youth "hid" 1400 candy and note-stuffed plastic eggs around our Community Center building. We had way over 100 children there for the harvest. I think it took them about 25 minutes to recover all the eggs. As far as cultivating expressions of pure greed go, you can't beat a good Easter egg hunt. As kids get older the potential for violence and egg-stealing grows too. I intervened in several little arguments, solving most by offering to take both parties' eggs off their hands and give them to kids who were behaving. (sigh). The kids were, by and large, good kids, and happy with their Easter Egg Hunt experience. I noticed that while most kids came in their school clothes, several girls were decked out in Easter dresses, little heels, jewelery, etc. Mama was usually close by with a camera. Perhaps next year we will stage Easter Egg Hunt pictures and sell the photos as a fund-raiser.
Thursday was Holy Thursday. In recent years my church reported they had staged a "Living Last Supper" in the Community Center with all the "Disciples" costumed in character, with lines to be delivered. The setting was based on the DaVinci painting of the Last Supper. But with several of the "key" persons no longer with us, there weren't enough available to fill out the cast.
So I suggested that rather than do it poorly, we opt out of the presentation this year. Later I learned that attendance had been dwindling for that presentation the last couple of years.
So we used the Tennebrae service straight out of the Book of Worship. Some hymns and scripture, some times of silence and prayer. No sermon. A small group of the faithful gathered.
I selected the oldest ritual (IV) and used that. It felt good; I had not used that service in ten or twelve years. It is the ritual I grew up on, but more archaic in its language. I enjoyed saying the words and as I said each phrase layers and layers of memories leafed back in my mind. It's hard to describe, but it was, at least for me, a refreshing exercise.
I also used the small individual cups instead of the loaf and chalice of recent times. People came to the rail and knelt or stood to receive the Sacrament. The whole service was simple, but fulfilling.
Today was Good Friday. We stayed in today, working on Easter projects, cleaning house, etc. This evening we drove into Little Rock so Linda could attend Good Friday at her church, Quapaw Quarter United Methodist Church. My sister, Anne, is the Worship Pastor there. They have an excellent organist who played the great (electronic) pipe organ as well as the grand piano and led the choir of 15 or so. In the large 900-seat sanctuary, there were 50 or 60 folks attending, a mixture of young, old, and middlers, black, white, straight, gay, a very mixed group.
They used the same liturgy I had used on Holy Thursday for my church, but with grander music, more readers, and an acolyte who extingushed an altar candle after each of the 16 readings from the Scripture. Our son, Michael and my mom sang in the choir. I had the opportunity to think about all the special services I had experienced in that sanctuary after we had moved from Missouri to Little Rock. More than a decade of going through the liturgical cycle and rhythms, seasons, colors, and celebrations. More than a few pastors and staff persons moving through the leadership teams. More than a few worship services serving as usher, choir member, worship participant. Worship spaces have such a profound effect on the ways we see and model our faith.
After the service Anne said her son had gone off with her car keys, so we took her home, then went out to a tiny Greek restaurant and had Gyros and Shishkebab sandwiches for a late supper. Then the hour drive home.
Tomorrow is Holy Saturday, when the disciples kept out of sight, honoring the Sabbath, no doubt confused and afraid of what lay ahead. We will spend it getting ready for Easter, stopping by the bank, shopping for Easter dinner ingredients, flowers, setting up both church worship spaces for the Easter Celebrations on Sunday morning. There are white drapes to hang on the arms of the crosses. Candles to fuel. Lillies to buy and place, ferns to place, bulletins to print, and powerpoint presentations to finish. The local Volunteer Fire Department will hold an Easter Egg Hunt for the children of its members on a portio of our church property. The choir will hold its final rehearsal for the Easter Cantata (to be sung at the 10:45 "Traditional Service" in the Sanctuary).
On Easter Sunday we are NOT having a sunrise service. It IS going to rain on Easter here (70% chance). We are NOT spending gazillions on Easter Candy and plastic grass.
We will have a good crowd, some coming home to match those who are going away for the special day. We will sing the old hymns in both service. I will preach in the first, sing and narrate in the second. And we will proclaim Christ Risen once again. Then we will drive to Mom's in Little Rock to have a late Easter Dinner with the others in the family (and friends).
Sometimes I think all the activity and ritual serves more to obscure the basic message of Easter.
What about you?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Crunch Time
My children learned the art of procrastination from me. I have mastered it, pretty much. For instance, I know that I have lots of items to photocopy for the resumption of our weekly "Wacky Wednesday" with our children and youth at the church. I have to finish two reports for the National Storytelling Network board today (at least I've started!). There is a list of first-0f-the-month payments waiting to be entered into the computer and sent off into electropaymentland.
Sweetie wants me to sort through a ton of accumulated stuff (which happens if you are a real Master of Procrastination (Mo.P.) and have put off sorting and discarding enough times.) The car needs a thorough defragging and the yard is (to my mind, at least) not quite ripe for spring cleaning.
Oh yes, I have a full-time job as well.
When things stack up enough, something has to give. I want you to know that I've not forgotten about my resolve to post daily. I really meant to. But I've been putting it off, waiting for the right time or the right inspiration, etc. Now that I've written this, I feel much better. There is a little slack in the stack. Maybe I'll go take a little nap.
Sweetie wants me to sort through a ton of accumulated stuff (which happens if you are a real Master of Procrastination (Mo.P.) and have put off sorting and discarding enough times.) The car needs a thorough defragging and the yard is (to my mind, at least) not quite ripe for spring cleaning.
Oh yes, I have a full-time job as well.
When things stack up enough, something has to give. I want you to know that I've not forgotten about my resolve to post daily. I really meant to. But I've been putting it off, waiting for the right time or the right inspiration, etc. Now that I've written this, I feel much better. There is a little slack in the stack. Maybe I'll go take a little nap.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Grandpa Stuff
I'm still getting used to the fact that I am a grandpa. Laura and Kyle brought the beautiful blue-eyed baby, Abigail, into the family last December 12th. I've been able to hold her about a dozen times, all during their whirlwind trip home over the Christmas holidays. They keep us up to date with nearly daily updates to their blog and frequent pictures of Abby doing something intelligent and cute.
Today we received a short video of Abby turning over from back to front. Holding her head up and everything. The video was with sound so we heard her cry as she turned over. It occured to me that we may not see her until Christmas this year, and I was struck with the sudden thought: "What if she doesn't like us? She will have had a year of very formative growth without hearing or seeing us." It wasn't a pleasant thought. Rather, it was a thought that brought up feelings of vulnurability. Maybe we should start sending her pictures of us. And videos. Hmmmm. I wonder what would be interesting to a child her age?
Linda and I are proud of all our children, and very happy to be grandparents. We want to get to know her...and for her to get to know us, too. Perhaps we can find a way to go for a short visit in the summertime. We'll see.
In the meantime, we hope to keep receiving the notes, pictures, and videos. Each one brings a dose of satisfaction and pride that we would otherwise miss. We love you, Abby!
Today we received a short video of Abby turning over from back to front. Holding her head up and everything. The video was with sound so we heard her cry as she turned over. It occured to me that we may not see her until Christmas this year, and I was struck with the sudden thought: "What if she doesn't like us? She will have had a year of very formative growth without hearing or seeing us." It wasn't a pleasant thought. Rather, it was a thought that brought up feelings of vulnurability. Maybe we should start sending her pictures of us. And videos. Hmmmm. I wonder what would be interesting to a child her age?
Linda and I are proud of all our children, and very happy to be grandparents. We want to get to know her...and for her to get to know us, too. Perhaps we can find a way to go for a short visit in the summertime. We'll see.
In the meantime, we hope to keep receiving the notes, pictures, and videos. Each one brings a dose of satisfaction and pride that we would otherwise miss. We love you, Abby!
Pet Peeve #3
I have several things that I could call pet peeves, i.e., things, actions, attitudes that disturb me more than most. You probably do as well. People that park in the lanes at Wal-Mart stalking folks who are about to open up a parking space is one. Churches that claim to be "friendly" but whose hospitality skills are on the early side of a tall learning curve is another. The poor use of the English language is probably up there among the top three or so for me...a product of my upbringing and a credit to my Senior High English Teacher, Miss Susie West.
Chief among these is the misuse of the terms "fewer" and "less." In recent years they have become interchangeable in useage. That doesn't make it right. To my way of understanding, "fewer" has to do with numbers you can count individuallyas in, "There are fewer people here today" or "Fewer votes were cast in this election." "Less" has a different attribute: it has to do with quantity of volume or mass, as in "There is less water in the glass now," or "There was less snow on the ground after the heat wave."
The mixup happens because both "fewer" and "less" mean the opposite of "more." It happens so often that when I actually hear someone using the terms correctly I want stop and congratulate them. I know. I don't. But I want to.
Wal-Mart and other stores have signs at some of their check-out stands (the ones for quick service) reading "20 items or less." It makes my skin crawl.
When someone refers to there being "less people in church than usual" I have the mental image of midgets and dwarfs populating the pews...or of legless torsos floating down the aisles.
It's a small thing to most people, and I probably should just let it go. But if we let every little thing that isn't just right continue without objection, a lot more things will be messed up before long. So I've had my little rant. Thanks for listening I feel better. More or less.
Chief among these is the misuse of the terms "fewer" and "less." In recent years they have become interchangeable in useage. That doesn't make it right. To my way of understanding, "fewer" has to do with numbers you can count individuallyas in, "There are fewer people here today" or "Fewer votes were cast in this election." "Less" has a different attribute: it has to do with quantity of volume or mass, as in "There is less water in the glass now," or "There was less snow on the ground after the heat wave."
The mixup happens because both "fewer" and "less" mean the opposite of "more." It happens so often that when I actually hear someone using the terms correctly I want stop and congratulate them. I know. I don't. But I want to.
Wal-Mart and other stores have signs at some of their check-out stands (the ones for quick service) reading "20 items or less." It makes my skin crawl.
When someone refers to there being "less people in church than usual" I have the mental image of midgets and dwarfs populating the pews...or of legless torsos floating down the aisles.
It's a small thing to most people, and I probably should just let it go. But if we let every little thing that isn't just right continue without objection, a lot more things will be messed up before long. So I've had my little rant. Thanks for listening I feel better. More or less.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Angel Food and Humble Pie
Today Linda and I got up and drove into town to the county fairgrounds where the Angel Food distribution was located. We got up early (for us) and were down there shortly after 9:00. People were already there. This was our first time to participate, so we didn't really know what to expect. As we were leaning against the wind heading for the door a church member friend of ours also arrived and showed us what to do.
Previously we had paid for boxes of several types: "Regular," "Meat," "Vegetable/Fruit," and two "Senior" boxes. We were greeted at a table by another church member volunteer who gave us a coded slip of paper and introduced us to the supervisor. "Bill" led us to a long table where we pushed a box along and volunteers placed items in as we passed. This was the "Regular" and included pasta, canned veggies, two rib-eye steaks, a dozen eggs, a package of cookies, fresh carrots all cubed up, cubed ham chunks, dried beans, etc. It was a good box of food. T
hen we were given the "Vegetable/Fruit" box which was one of those heavy-duty waxed boxes with handholds in the sides. It contained a beautiful head of cabbage, 2 pounds of fresh carrots, sweet potatoes, Irish potatoes, a sack of oranges, a sack of red Delicious apples, four Granny Smith apples, a sack of yellow onions, and three or four mangoes, an unexpected treat.
The "Meat" box contained flash frozen meats: Four sirloin strips, four giant porkchops, two packages of brats, pounds of hamburger, and bacon.
Next we received two "Senior" boxes, each containing ten ready-t0-microwave meals and ten chocolate moon pies. Yep. Moon pies. Desserts. We were glad that we got two boxes, because we can each have the same type of meal together. (Not to speak of the 20 moon pies--so good for people trying to loose or manage their weight!)
"Bill" brought us a truck dolly and even pushed it to our car for us. We drove home and unloaded into the freezer and refrigerator inside, as far as we could, then took the rest to the big chest freezer in the barn. With the exceptions of milk and bread, we should be good for about two weeks of food, maybe more, since our church eats together so much.
We each had one of the microwave meals for lunch...Salsbury steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes. It was good and filling. Later on we took a nap, then I went to the church to help the men cook for the monthly "Hoedown" supper and concert. The Hoedowns are a long-standing local traditions of and a certain type of people show up each month to enjoy the meal and listen to about 90 minutes of live Gospel Music. Tonight's menu was (guess what?) hamburger steak and gravy, mashed potatoes, and green beans, french garlic bread and tea. Desserts were NOT moon pies, but a delightful array of homemade cakes, pies, and cobblers from our church ladies.
The usual emcee was on a trip with his own quartet so I was asked to take over the duties of hosting, introducing, etc. Which I did. The folks in the visiting quartet refered to me as "pastor," as in, "We'll be turning this over to Pastor after this next song." Any kind of music can be appreciated if it is done well. These folks did a good job with their music. We had a good number in the audience as well.
After the program, we braved the cold wind and made our way to the car and then the few blocks to the house.
When I checked in online I found a post from my friend Judith who, quite correctly, and gently, let me know that I had misspelled the word "Curmudgeon" in the title of my blog. Me! (blush)
However, I have learned to accept the kindness of friends (and strangers) along life's way. I corrected the mistake in spelling. I don't know what that does with the url. Whether I should actually have selected that particular word is still a matter of some conversation. For now it will stay. It gives me permission to get into an actual rant or two if I wish.
Tomorrow is Sunday, always a busy day for us. We have only one worship service tomorrow, since it is the 5th Sunday and we have a union service with our two worship services combined. Of course, there is a dinner afterward. I checked. Chicken and Dressing. I was glad it wasn't hamburger steak again.
Tomorrow: Pet Peeves.
Previously we had paid for boxes of several types: "Regular," "Meat," "Vegetable/Fruit," and two "Senior" boxes. We were greeted at a table by another church member volunteer who gave us a coded slip of paper and introduced us to the supervisor. "Bill" led us to a long table where we pushed a box along and volunteers placed items in as we passed. This was the "Regular" and included pasta, canned veggies, two rib-eye steaks, a dozen eggs, a package of cookies, fresh carrots all cubed up, cubed ham chunks, dried beans, etc. It was a good box of food. T
hen we were given the "Vegetable/Fruit" box which was one of those heavy-duty waxed boxes with handholds in the sides. It contained a beautiful head of cabbage, 2 pounds of fresh carrots, sweet potatoes, Irish potatoes, a sack of oranges, a sack of red Delicious apples, four Granny Smith apples, a sack of yellow onions, and three or four mangoes, an unexpected treat.
The "Meat" box contained flash frozen meats: Four sirloin strips, four giant porkchops, two packages of brats, pounds of hamburger, and bacon.
Next we received two "Senior" boxes, each containing ten ready-t0-microwave meals and ten chocolate moon pies. Yep. Moon pies. Desserts. We were glad that we got two boxes, because we can each have the same type of meal together. (Not to speak of the 20 moon pies--so good for people trying to loose or manage their weight!)
"Bill" brought us a truck dolly and even pushed it to our car for us. We drove home and unloaded into the freezer and refrigerator inside, as far as we could, then took the rest to the big chest freezer in the barn. With the exceptions of milk and bread, we should be good for about two weeks of food, maybe more, since our church eats together so much.
We each had one of the microwave meals for lunch...Salsbury steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes. It was good and filling. Later on we took a nap, then I went to the church to help the men cook for the monthly "Hoedown" supper and concert. The Hoedowns are a long-standing local traditions of and a certain type of people show up each month to enjoy the meal and listen to about 90 minutes of live Gospel Music. Tonight's menu was (guess what?) hamburger steak and gravy, mashed potatoes, and green beans, french garlic bread and tea. Desserts were NOT moon pies, but a delightful array of homemade cakes, pies, and cobblers from our church ladies.
The usual emcee was on a trip with his own quartet so I was asked to take over the duties of hosting, introducing, etc. Which I did. The folks in the visiting quartet refered to me as "pastor," as in, "We'll be turning this over to Pastor after this next song." Any kind of music can be appreciated if it is done well. These folks did a good job with their music. We had a good number in the audience as well.
After the program, we braved the cold wind and made our way to the car and then the few blocks to the house.
When I checked in online I found a post from my friend Judith who, quite correctly, and gently, let me know that I had misspelled the word "Curmudgeon" in the title of my blog. Me! (blush)
However, I have learned to accept the kindness of friends (and strangers) along life's way. I corrected the mistake in spelling. I don't know what that does with the url. Whether I should actually have selected that particular word is still a matter of some conversation. For now it will stay. It gives me permission to get into an actual rant or two if I wish.
Tomorrow is Sunday, always a busy day for us. We have only one worship service tomorrow, since it is the 5th Sunday and we have a union service with our two worship services combined. Of course, there is a dinner afterward. I checked. Chicken and Dressing. I was glad it wasn't hamburger steak again.
Tomorrow: Pet Peeves.
Friday, March 27, 2009
TESTING
This is a test post. It is only a test. If this were an actual post, there would be more to it and you would feel that you needed to read on. However, this is a test, only a test. Should this eventually become an actual posting, you will be told to read on. Thank you.
Jumping Right In
Welcome and read on.
Someone said that the best way to start writing was just to do it. So. After much procrastination I am taking the leap and jumping right into the mix of bloggers and prognosticators who have fed me from their plates for so long. I'm not quite sure where to start, other than to say I have been thinking about a long list of topics, each of which is worthy of a bit of an eventual mention here. I do want to say thanks to my daughters, Jennifer and Laura, and my son Michael, whose blogs and encouragement have inspired me to take this plunge. They always have something to say and do it so well!
To make things more interesting, my laptop has developed an affinity for random generation and placement of letters on the page. If I am not careful my words will be interspersed throughout the previous text in such a way as to encript it beyoned decipherization. I am told it is nothing I can fix, short of replacing the entire keyboard. I'll try to watch it...but beware the random missing or extra word!
I suspect I will be posting at least daily, to start, if not more often. Some of that resolve will be tempered with the reality and pressures of time that I don't have, but I intend to be fairly regular...for my own benefit.
So much for now.
Someone said that the best way to start writing was just to do it. So. After much procrastination I am taking the leap and jumping right into the mix of bloggers and prognosticators who have fed me from their plates for so long. I'm not quite sure where to start, other than to say I have been thinking about a long list of topics, each of which is worthy of a bit of an eventual mention here. I do want to say thanks to my daughters, Jennifer and Laura, and my son Michael, whose blogs and encouragement have inspired me to take this plunge. They always have something to say and do it so well!
To make things more interesting, my laptop has developed an affinity for random generation and placement of letters on the page. If I am not careful my words will be interspersed throughout the previous text in such a way as to encript it beyoned decipherization. I am told it is nothing I can fix, short of replacing the entire keyboard. I'll try to watch it...but beware the random missing or extra word!
I suspect I will be posting at least daily, to start, if not more often. Some of that resolve will be tempered with the reality and pressures of time that I don't have, but I intend to be fairly regular...for my own benefit.
So much for now.
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