Holding Patterns

On occasion events just rush by, flitting from start to finish, item to item. And then at other times they go.so.slowly. So many parts of our lives are seemingly on "hold" that I feel like the airliner circling the airport, waiting for clearance to land.

One thing that will land soon is the insurance question. The Insurance Committee meets tomorrow in Little Rock to discuss, among other things, whether they will approve coverage for my bariatric surgery. Linda has been on edge waiting for the decision and feels very strongly that they should approve me. I know there is only a possibility they will approve it...and a better chance for denial. I figure that if it is denied I will keep on losing pounds slowly as I have been doing, and keep getting some healthy guidance to guide my journey. Linda is afraid I will die before I reach my goal.

That's another thing that is holding...or rather I feel like it is. I am still losing weight, just not as quickly. Friday I went to the clinic and weighed on the same digital scales that I started out on at 420 pounds in May. It read 354. 66 pounds lost--Yay! I may be able to reach my goal of losing 120 pounds by the end of next May. Then I will be halfway to my long-range goal of 180 pounds. Yeah, I know. That's a pretty ambitious goal....But I know how I work without a goal...I don't.

So we are in a holding pattern in so many ways. Surgery insurance decision. Weight loss (still losing, but not as fast). Clothes.

Yes, clothes. I punched new holes in my old belts. (They still work that way). As I mentioned before, I have left my biggest clothes behind now and am working my way down through those that I wore briefly on the way up. So it is not quite like having new clothes...because they aren't. They are "new again," and, to be honest, some of them were worn very little on my way upscale. But wearing them again doesn't constitute a milestone of success emotionally. That will come when I can no longer wear ANY of the clothes I have now because they are too big, and I have to get NEW clothes. That's when the plane will have landed.

The church folk, too, seems to be in a holding pattern. They have made much progress in the past year. The congregation is more united, more willing to work together. Finances are up from last year's depressive year. Attendance is up. But the idea of embracing change and making the kinds of sweeping differences in goal-setting and behaviors that seem necessary is still "up-in-the-air." Change comes so slowly to the Church. We are addicted to holding patterns.

Tomorrow I return to the lymphodema doctor who has wrapped my calves in bandages to help keep them in a normal shape. We have two weeks of this swaddling to go on...then I will be fitted for permanent compression hose for my legs...custom made. In addition, the doctor is teaching Linda how to wrap my legs, and how to do the special massage that helps the protein fluid leave the legs. Linda is an apt pupil although she says she isn't. She is a great help, friend and companion. So this project, too, is in mid-journey, another holding pattern.

We have been waiting, too, for flu vaccine to become available. Today we got the call to come in tomorrow for our shots. Perhaps the progress on that front will help other things to shake loose as well.

I'll let you know tomorrow what we learn about the Insurance. And how the other landings go.

Maybe I just need a parachute.